You know, when it’s our time. And if it’s now, I know I’m going to heaven. And honestly, at that point, that was the only security I had knowing if it was my time to go, I knew I was going to heaven.
My Breast Cancer Story
When cancer takes your great-grandmother, grandmother, and your mother is a cancer survivor; you know you should do whatever it takes to protect yourself from getting it too.
I thought I was doing the right thing; I maintained a healthy lifestyle and received regular check-ups. I would be okay. Cancer would leave me alone.
When my OB Gynecologist suggested I be tested for the BRAC (breast cancer) gene because of my family history, I said yes. If positive, I could take preventative measures and avoid the fate of my forebears.
I was 29 when I tested positive, and I thought about Angelina Jolie and her mother’s story. She carried the gene, and her mother had cancer. Angelina chose to have both breasts removed as a preventative measure. Could I do the same? It is a big decision to make to have both breasts removed at a young age. We were newly married and had young children. I was still breastfeeding.
A preventative, bilateral mastectomy was scheduled for February 24th. But I found a lump in my breast at Christmas. I called my Dr, and they said to come in; it was probably nothing to worry about but would put my mind at rest. My mind replied – when in doubt, check it out.
On Valentine’s Day, I received an official diagnosis – stage three breast cancer, spreading fast. Not only would I be having a double mastectomy, but I would also have eight rounds of chemo, thirty-six radiation treatments and reconstructive surgery ahead of me. I was mad at God; I was mad at the world. I kept saying why me? I felt ugly with no hair, no breasts and no ovaries. Was I still even a woman without them?
I remember my husband saying you don’t know the true meaning of inner beauty, do you? Because your inner beauty is none of those three things. Your inner beauty is you inside in the big heart you have, and God made you exactly how he wanted you. You are his child of Christ. And so, instead of thinking, why is this happening to me? I changed my mindset to how I will use this?
My Journey with God
When you go through cancer, there is the life prior to cancer that your parents gave you. And there’s the life after you go through cancer that Christ gave you. And the second life is so much better than the first.
I grew up thinking you should never test your faith, it should be strong, and it should never falter. But now, I believe God puts us on this planet to be tested. He puts obstacles in front of us to make us stronger mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. To walk closer to him and need him. And it’s true when I needed him most; he was right there. I kept thinking, gosh, where have you been my whole life? But he has always been with me. He just shows himself differently when you are falling apart. HE WAS THERE when I didn’t think there was anything left in me to keep fighting. When I was weak, he was stronger and carried me through.
I am a cancer survivor, and I don’t think I could have done without him being beside me. He didn’t just save my health, he saved my soul, and I thank him every day because I finally feel like I know my purpose on this planet.